You want the truth?

That headline is really drawing you in isn't it?

It's ok, I wouldn't blame you if you clicked over to a different blog now. Really, I'd be sad and I would stare after you with my lower lip trembling, but could I blame you? Me, of the posts few and far between?

Right now I am attempting to define what I want this space to be. As an aspiring journalist (I probably shouldn't have said that lol) there are many things I must be weary of when creating a personal space online in regards to conflicts of interest. That being said there is also the issue of anonymity, as well as the issue of what type of writing I'd like to do here. Personal information and stories, commentary on social events? What am I wanting to say? Do I use this blog as a means to further my career, as a way of showcasing my writing? Do I list it in my resume?

My journalism ethics class is really sending me for a loop with this blogging issue as well. Last week I learned that the Internet will ruin my life, but that is a post for another day. (Seriously, I'm writing that post up now to publish another day)

A black cloud

The events of the last week are weighing heavily on me. I see many of the other students in my journalism classes who are bursting at the seams with talent and I feel despair creep over me. I follow the photojournalism blogs of fellow classmates and salvate with envy over the quality of their photography. I let it convince me that they will oust me in the shrinking world of journalism.

I don't even want to be a photojournalist.

Yet when I see their photos all glossy and sharp it makes me feel that my writing is dim in comparison. I feel as if I am watching the 1 dream of my life unravel before me.

But I wonder if I am pulling the threads myself?

I lost a notebook this week which held all of my notes for multiple classes this semester. I feel completly lost without it. I worry how I will study for upcoming quizzes and exams, how I will write essays. It was one of the many happenings this week that have sent me into a spiral of self doubt and depression.

Like many people, I am wishing a door would open somewhere and allow me to escape. I am ashamed to admit that I have also been silently spitting envy and poision at those around me blessed with great opportunities, wishing they were mine.